No longer worthy

This is the chapter the whole class was built around. If you only read one, read this one.

The speech in his pocket

On the road home, the son rehearsed what he would say. Read it again, because you may have written your own version of it:

Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am not worthy to be called your son any longer; treat me as one of your hired servants. — Luke 15:18–19 (OTB)

The first half is simply true. He had sinned, and he says so. The second half is where the shame lives: I’ve lost the right to be a son. Take me back as an employee. Let me earn my keep.

He was going home, but on reduced terms. Probation. Wages. A place in the back.

Two weights a returner carries

Many people who want to come back to God aren’t carrying one fall. They’re carrying a pattern. I promised God I was done with it. I went back. I promised again. I went back again. Maybe you’ve lost count. And a pattern like that leaves two very specific weights.

Shame: “I’ve let God down.” Not just I did something wrong, but I am the kind of person who keeps disappointing Him. He must be tired of you by now. If you were Him, you’d be tired of you. That’s how it feels.

Hypocrisy: “Who am I to come back?” You said you followed Jesus. Maybe you told other people to. Maybe you led a Bible study, sang on a worship team, prayed out loud in front of people, all while the thing was still going on. Now it feels dishonest to walk back in, as if you’d be pretending again.

If either of those is yours, you are standing exactly where the son was on that road. So watch what happens when he arrives.

The Father never let him finish

Scripture — Luke 15:20–22 (OTB)

So he arose and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. The son addressed him, “Father, I have done wrong against heaven and against you. I am not worthy to be called your son any longer.” But the father told his servants, “Quickly, bring out the best robe and put it on him…”

Put verse 19 next to verse 21. In the rehearsal there are three lines: I have sinned. I’m not worthy. Treat me as a hired servant. In the real moment he gets out the first two, and then the father interrupts him. The line about hired servants never gets said. The father isn’t interested in negotiating the terms of his employment. He’s calling for the robe.

That’s the answer to shame. Not an argument that you didn’t really let Him down. A Father who runs before the speech and interrupts it halfway through.

Three things this chapter will not do

Because shame is so heavy, it’s tempting to relieve it the cheap way. This class won’t, and you shouldn’t let anyone else do it for you either.

It won’t pretend the sin wasn’t sin. “I have sinned against heaven and against you” is true, and the son says it. Coming home is not the same as calling it nothing. You don’t need your sin minimized. You need it forgiven.

It won’t let you earn your way back. The hired-servant plan is the most natural thing in the world, and it’s exactly what the father refuses. Promises to do better, months of good behavior, a probation period you set for yourself: none of that is the way in.

It won’t mistake confession for self-improvement. Here is the division of labor, stated as plainly as Scripture states it:

Scripture — 1 John 1:9 (OTB)

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, so that He will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Your part is to confess: to agree with God about what happened, honestly and specifically. The forgiving is His. The purifying is His. You don’t clean yourself up and then confess. You confess, and He does the cleaning.

Hypocrisy is hiding, not returning

It’s worth saying directly to the second weight: coming back honestly is the opposite of hypocrisy. A hypocrite pretends to be something he’s not. That is what the hiding was. A person who walks in and says I did this, I kept doing it, and I’m here is not pretending anything. The only way to stop being a hypocrite is to stop hiding, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.

When it’s a pattern

If your struggle is a recurring one, two more things.

First, the number of times you’ve fallen is not what defines you.

Scripture — Proverbs 24:16 (OTB)

for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again…

The righteous in that verse fall seven times. What marks them is that they get up.

Second, most people who stay stuck in a pattern are confessing only to God, in private, where nobody can walk with them.

Scripture — James 5:16 (OTB)

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

Confessing to God forgives. Confessing to one trusted believer brings the thing into the light, where it loses much of its grip, and where someone can pray for you by name. If you have a mentor walking through this class with you, they are the natural person. If not, choose one mature believer of your own gender whom you trust.

Recite this

The Father never let him finish the speech.

Try it this week

Write your own speech: the one you’ve been rehearsing. Every line of it, including the hired-servant line. Then read Luke 15:20–24 and cross out the lines the Father never let the son say.

Then confess what’s actually true to God, specifically, and to one trusted person.

I will confess to God, and to ________________, by ________________.